Regrets...help!

Hey everyone, I was hoping I could get some help here.

So I just got a Frenchie a few days ago...she's around a year old. I've grown up with dogs and have two that live with my parents that I see most days of the week and consider my dogs too (different breeds), I'm in love with them. Over the past few months, I decided on getting a Frenchie and quickly started doing tons and tons of research. Every day, it was all I could think about was how much I wanted one, and I was doing so much research. I couldn't wait to get a companion I could cuddle with, bring out and about, etc. I found the perfect breeder, they had one that was a year old, and I got her a few days ago.

She's generally well behaved...working on house training, and she doesn't eat/drink as much as she should, but we are getting there. I have her in a crate for a few hours at a time during the day just to have her used to it, and at night. Sometimes she whines a bit at first, but then goes to sleep. She's mostly crate trained. I brought her to an outdoor social setting and she was nervous at first, but was very well behaved and did fine.

All sounds pretty great, right? But when I leave and crate her.....she literally screams, howls, barks the entire time I'm gone. I've left a camera to record her while I'm gone so I can see how she was when I get back...it's literally the entire time. I haven't left her alone for longer than 40 minutes...I've made sure to stimulate and wear her out beforehand, even put a special chew and special toy in the crate with her. But she doesn't calm down, and since I have neighbors...it makes me incredibly anxious. Two days ago, after spending most of the day outside trying to get her to go out, I crated her for 30 minutes to run an errand and came back to a crate full of dog mess.

I feel trapped, like I can't go anywhere. Not even to the store real quick, or to workout, to visit my other dogs (who I miss) or anything. I'd be able to cope a bit better with knowing she'll be crying and howling while I'm away if I didn't have neighbors, but that's part of what makes it hard. I'm working from home for the next 1.5 weeks, but then I have to go back to working at the office. And I'm totally ashamed to say this....but I don't love her right now. She feels more like an obligation that is causing my anxiety to spike than a companion. I find myself missing "my old life"....I miss my other dogs that I love, I miss being able to leave the house in peace, etc. And it has crossed my mind a couple of times whether I should bring her back.

Is this normal? Does it get better?

Do you have the ability to give her a larger, "contained and safe" area for when you leave?


Leave the crate within the area, door open; and see if that changes things at all.

Might try a gated pen instead.

Also try a Kong with frozen peanut butter.

Like you, we got a camera set up to view our dog in the crate when we are away.

So far with the Kong, she'll nap soon after she's done and will be relaxed for about 3-4 hours before she starts getting anxious or whines.

Without the Kong, she may start whining within 10 mins. Settle down for a while, then whine and howl for several mins. Settle and repeat.

Emmi was exactly like this too then we set up this for her and she's much better! Granted it's becoming an issue to keep the cat out lol

I can see how you feel that way. My wife and I were feeling similar but our situation was as bad. It was more with the potty training that toom so long. Try an anxiety shirt on the frenchie. If not, maybey a trainer might be able to help with the issue. Ive heard they can help.

It can be normal and will get better,,,, do the large area as suggested, leave a dirty t-shirt that has your scent on it and start getting her used to being alone. Leave for 5 mins return, do that few times and slowly increase the time. Keep in mind if she was always with someone when at the breeder she doesn’t know how to be alone. Leave a radio or tv on might help too.

Also try Adaptil... it help with anxiety

Our girl joined our family at almost 5yrs old and little to no training. She definitely didn't have any crate training prior and it's something we're still working on and it does take time, persistence, and patience. The kong stuffed toys especially frozen work great as they take more time and effort in hopes tire them out quicker..lol. Some assortment of toys is good too depending on how long you're gone and we also do the shirt too. Since Ms. Houdini can escape her crate I might try the larger enclosure with crate open inside the area thanks. Best of luck!

Thanks so much for the help everyone. Unfortunately, I had to make the utterly heartbreaking decision to bring her back. I was getting complaints from neighbors and it wasn't getting any better...I did try leaving her in a closed off area, and it was slightly better but she was still extremely noisy. Her separation anxiety was severe.

It's definitely something that I think could be worked on and fixed with time, but I sadly don't have the time that would be needed, as I have to go back to work in a week. I had to put my emotions aside, be rational and make the decision before either of us got too attached (I was really starting to love her after the first few days of frustration). She deserves a home that can give her that slow adjustment period, or even one that has more family members that would lessen her instances of being alone. It's funny, I never understood in the past how anyone could give a pet up, but this was a situation where I knew I didn't really have a choice for myself and it would be much better for the sweet pup to find a better fit.

All of that said, it is a bit frustrating that I was told she does fine alone and is crate trained fine, only to find out (and be told) afterwards that she didn't have experience with that. Those two things were a major factor in my search for a Frenchie because I knew I didn't have all the time in the world for a puppy that requires much more attention than an older dog. But regardless, I will pick up my search again at some point in the near future and hopefully find one that is a better fit for me that I can be a great home for.

Sorry it didn't work out, but you made the right decision.

James012 said:

Thanks so much for the help everyone. Unfortunately, I had to make the utterly heartbreaking decision to bring her back. I was getting complaints from neighbors and it wasn't getting any better...I did try leaving her in a closed off area, and it was slightly better but she was still extremely noisy. Her separation anxiety was severe.

It's definitely something that I think could be worked on and fixed with time, but I sadly don't have the time that would be needed, as I have to go back to work in a week. I had to put my emotions aside, be rational and make the decision before either of us got too attached (I was really starting to love her after the first few days of frustration). She deserves a home that can give her that slow adjustment period, or even one that has more family members that would lessen her instances of being alone. It's funny, I never understood in the past how anyone could give a pet up, but this was a situation where I knew I didn't really have a choice for myself and it would be much better for the sweet pup to find a better fit.

All of that said, it is a bit frustrating that I was told she does fine alone and is crate trained fine, only to find out (and be told) afterwards that she didn't have experience with that. Those two things were a major factor in my search for a Frenchie because I knew I didn't have all the time in the world for a puppy that requires much more attention than an older dog. But regardless, I will pick up my search again at some point in the near future and hopefully find one that is a better fit for me that I can be a great home for.

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wishing you the best... I hope they can find her a good fitting home and you get a puppy to meet your life

Thanks so much for the help guys, I really appreciate it I miss her a lot and now almost regret making the decision I made, but with having to go back to work I know I didn't really have a choice.

I feel like I'm almost wanting a Frenchie more than I did before, but I know i should wait a little while, maybe 6 months to a year. Whenever I pick my search back up, do you guys think I should go with a puppy (are they more malleable to teach to be left alone)? Or are there good chances of finding an adult who is at least housetrained and can do okay alone? Is there anyone here who has experience adopting one who wasn't a puppy, and whether it did okay alone in the first few days?

The safest route would be to wait until I'm not living in a duplex, so maybe I should just be patient and make the move then. I would be able to deal with living a loud dog alone (if they were at the stage where they just needed to learn and get used to it) if I knew I wasn't disturbing any neighbors.

I'm not sure my current neighbors even knew the noises were from a dog...she was making the freaky Frenchie screeches and screams that sounded like a gremlin!