Help! Post-Puppy Depression :(

FrenchieDante · Jul 25, 2014

Is this a thing? Whatever you'd like to call it.... I have the puppy blues. I'm so blessed to have brought home such a smart, well adjusted puppy. He can't go outside yet (quarantine period until his vaccinations are finished) and is almost fully pee-pad trained. A few accidents here and there, but they do not upset me in the least. He rarely cries in his crate... Unless I accidentally oversleep.

Basically... I feel like Danté shocked my lifestyle system. When i'm not at home, I feel worried... Guilty. Is he okay? Is he bored? Is he comfortable? When I'm home, I feel like a failure. I try my best to give him my full attention, but I am missing "Me" time. I try to play with him and it seems like he's bored with his toys, he'd rather be getting into something he's not supposed to. He has all this energy and I'm unable to engage him. I'm constantly telling him NO! and distracting him with toys he's tired of. And he has 10+ toys.

I understand he is a baby, and going in I knew I'd have to watch him constantly. But, I'm not getting used to it. Every second, I have to watch him like a hawk. I can't even make a phone call or text someone without giving him 90% of my attention. I feel horrible to crate him while I shower, clean, do dishes or put my make-up on. He's already stuck in there while I'm at work. Whilst playing independently is not something he's interested in, rather exploring crevices in my living room I didn't even know existed. It's a matter of time before he hurts himself. That is... if he isn't crying to come up on the couch with me while I'm trying to do work or just take a second to relax. He has this new obsession with being up on the couch with me, which would be fine if he would just chill, but even on the couch he is chewing the cushions - or trying to jump off (which he is too little yet to do) or trying to eat my hair. I give him his antler, his Nylabone, his kong -- it peaks his interest for minutes. I feel like he's bored and not having any fun. I feel an insane amount of guilt that I'm not doing a good job. I find myself getting more sad with every day that passes. Worried about him and his repetitive days playing with toys he doesn't want to play with -- or sitting on the couch bored just because he wants to be close to me.

Ugh, I feel awful. And I love him so much. I just want him to have a good life. And I'm really trying my best, he is spoiled rotten. It's just hard because I'm in this alone without help... and I miss having a clear head and a moment to take a deep breath. I hope someone reading this can understand and tell me what I should do. I can't take this lingering cloud of guilt I feel that he's not happy and I'm not doing a good enough job of entertaining him and satisfying his puppy needs.

One.) Am I crazy and
Two.) will I be able to break free of these feelings?

I can't even imagine giving him away... one look at his Instagram and you'll see how in love with him I am, but I need a solution to have my darling Danté and also have my sanity and my sense of self.

Safari · Jul 25, 2014

I went through the exact same thing. I thought I bought this super relaxed dog that would want to just be with me. Nope!!
I was upset like you. The second I came home until I went to bed was spent occupying the puppy and keeping him entertained. I decided to teach him the settle command and the lay down and stay command. And slowllyyy it's getting a lot better. I was able to cook some turkey two nights ago without any problems and him just watching me. I think it might help you out. Good luck!!!!

karla215 · Jul 25, 2014

I love my pen, because if I need to leave the room or shower or even when I'm at work, he can have some space to play or sleep, without being crated. Plus when I'm working on the couch or on a call and he's full of energy, I can put him in the and he can still see me and have comfort that I am there, but not impact my work call. Dante will get past this phase and settle in, I'm sure! But maybe a half day at daycare, when he gets his shots done, every so often, will tire him out and give you a break! Good luck! Karla

KimB3384 · Jul 25, 2014

We'd had Bisou home for a week - maybe two - and I went to get my haircut. The woman asked me how I was doing and I just started sobbing uncontrollably. She hated her playpen and constantly barked and chewed on it, trying to get out. I remember looking at her one day and thinking that I hated her and had made a huge mistake. I'd wanted this puppy so badly I could barely stand it, and when she finally came home I hated her. She sucked the life out of me. Once she got a little older and a little more independent things did a complete 180. I went from being constantly exhausted to being able to enjoy her.

Those first few months are tough, but it *does* get better. We're 11 months old now, and I would say that at around 6-7 months is when things started to get better. We're still trying to figure out a routine that allows me some time to be sane (still haven't figured out how to work yoga or the treadmill back into the mix, and I can't tell you how long it's been since I've been able to sit and read a book), but I can clean the house or do other chores without having to worry about entertaining her. She's content to lay in her bed in the kitchen and snooze, or chew on a bone.

I know that all dogs are different, and Dante might be slightly too young for this right now, but one thing that helped tremendously was Flatastic Snack Antler Chews. They're edible moose antlers. Bisou never really responded to the hard elk antlers I got her, and she had a bison femur that held her attention for a little while, but these things? I can give her one and it keeps her occupied for HOURS. She'd chew on it 24/7 if I allowed her to. I get the really large ones, and one will last us about 2 weeks. That's with really aggressive chewing for some fairly extended periods of time.

Hang in there. Reach out to us here. Send me messages if you need to vent or talk. It will get better. I promise!

bullmama · Jul 25, 2014

This is not uncommon at all, and it does get better. Feel free to vent here and know that you are not alone in your feelings! We are in the shark stage with our EB pup right now and for a while there I was thinking just the same! He has very slowly improved so I know it will only get better over time, patience and consistency. Don't feel too awful about crate time when you need a break- give him a special treat like a kong with some cream cheese during those times and he will be thrilled not sad.

I did have one of my pups returned to me a couple of years ago after 2 weeks of being in her new home. She was already potty trained and crate trained, but her new owner was suffering from insomnia because she was so worried about her. She had no sleep in those two weeks. Puppies are a lot of work and a huge commitment, but after time passes you will both get better as long as it is not becoming an issue with your health as it was for the lady who could not sleep.

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eeturk · Jul 25, 2014

Yep, happened to me too! I agree that around 6/7 months is the turning point. At that time Hudson's personality totally changed, and now I'm (mostly) able to treat him like a normal dog. I can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to just leave him out when I'm cooking dinner or need to shower. With that said, the longest he has EVER been home alone is 4 hours. I still get sad and panicky when he is crated, even if I'm only gone for an hour. With us we also had the added benefit of being 0% potty trained until around 7 months, and some days I really did want to give up. I can 100% guarantee and promise you that it gets better. It really, really does. Eventually you will get the loving, sleepy, snorty, cuddly little guy you always wanted. Hang in there!

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MaplesMommy · Jul 25, 2014

Yup, totally know what you're talking about.
When we got Maple I was soo excited and happy but I soon realized that I sometimes just wanted to sit down and read my emails or sit on the couch and watch some TV and maybe even have a snack without a puppy 'attacking' me. It made me upset on the occassion and once my boyfriend came home I sometimes asked him to entertain and watch her so that I could finally relax some. But then I was worried shed eat something or get hurt (i trust my bf but as long as I wasnt there watching I coudlnt fully relax).
It passes though. Like said above when theyre about 6 months old they calm and settle a bit.
My girl is now 10 months old and she is 100% potty trained, stays alone for up to 7 hours without accident,she is not crated when we leave the house and she doesnt touch anythinh when were gone. This is the biggest surprise for me because when she was a pup she used to chew and destroy everything! It was really bad and I was scared shed be one of those dogs that will never be able to stay alone uncrated. But she is PERFECT now. We even have an opened kibble bag (that we got from a cat rescue for our kitten and they didnt wanna take it back and I didnt have the heart to just throw it out) in the hall and even it smelling soo tempting she has not touched this bag. I couldnt be happier with her!

You can always take him out for a car ride or go somewhere and carry him if you're so worried about him not having all the vaccines. (i dont think you should be worried but this is a total differen topic)

But it defintely gets better and soon you will laugh about all the little things that he did to drive you crazy

Julie Stevenson · Jul 25, 2014

This is when a second dog really helps! Yes, the puppy stage is quite exhausting and worrisome. You will get through it. He will become easier as he ages. Right now he's a baby and they take a TON of time and energy from you. Most people don't realize the commitment it takes to raise a little one.

I am so grateful for my other doggies. They help expend Batty's extra energy and it's not up to me to always play with him even though I usually want to be the one playing with him

Hang in there.

lkclark · Jul 25, 2014

If it's possible, I'd say you should take him to a large grassy area a few times during the day and just run. Let him chase you. Chase him. Tumble and play. It's exercise for everyone, and it doesn't take much to tire out a Frenchie.

Bear runs for 4 straight hours Monday-Thursday, and when we get home and wake him up out of his crate, he's perfectly happy to eat dinner and chew on his toys for the rest of the evening. Over and over it's said, and it's so true: a tired puppy is a good/happy/healthy puppy.

I make sure that *I* am the one tiring my dog out; not vice versa.

MamaAndi · Jul 27, 2014

You are not crazy at all!

I seriously looked into rehoming Stella when she was a pup. I had bought her to fill the hole in our family after my English bulldog had to be put to sleep. I didn't feel like we were clicking after we had her for a few months. I felt bad but I felt like I wasn't happy and I felt like I wasn't giving her 100%.
Long story short....I ended up toughing it out and she is totally family now. I'm glad I didn't end up rehoming her after all.

It is a life change though...having a puppy is like having a baby to look after. They are so so needy. It's understandable to be a little down or feel a little anxious about it. It does get better as they get older though is the good news!

FrenchieDante · Jul 27, 2014

Okay. So I enlisted my sister to come over this weekend and help watch Danté with me and also invested in a play pen so i don't have to constantly watch him while he's playing. I do feel a little better, but he is still barking to get out of the pen and onto the couch 75% of the time. I have started to feed him in his pen so he thinks positively of it. Should I still have him sleep in his crate?

I'm honestly about to cave and start taking him outside. On short walks, maybe to the coffee shop etc. He'll be 13 weeks on Friday and gets his third round of vaccines on Thursday. He's also starting puppy pre-k on Saturday with other puppies who are current on vaccines. Might also put him in an agility class, lol. Saw another frenchie puppy running up a see-saw and through a tube while I was at orientation and got a little competitive.

Anyway, I hope this will all help. I'm still not feeling myself and do feel guilty that I'm not able to play with him 24/7... But i hope i'm taking the proper steps to get out of this funk. Thank you all for understanding & letting me know it's not just me!

bullmama · Jul 28, 2014

Sounds like a great plan!!
[MENTION=24]MamaAndi[/MENTION] I remember when you were going to Rehome Stella, you had some serious puppy blues!!! I remember how surprised I was when you stuck it out too, because you were clearly distraught.

Jakeyjake · Jul 28, 2014

It is difficult to adjust to life with a puppy and I understand how frustrating it can be. It sounds like you are on the right track though with some outdoor time and puppy play time. A TIRED PUPPY IS A GOOD PUPPY. Whatever you can do to help burn off all that puppy energy will help. I really love our exercise pen and our Stella, who is 8 mos. old, has no problem going in there. It has become "her" space and she even gets a little aggressive with Jake (18 mos.) if he sneaks in to sniff around. It does get better as they get older, so hang in there. Do you have friends with well adjusted dogs? Perhaps they could come over for a play date with Dante.

FrenchieDante · Jul 29, 2014

I'm loving the play pen... But now I feel as if he's confused. I am wondering how I should play this. @juliestevenson -- maybe you can help?

I am wondering if I should put Danté in the crate for sleeping and for while I'm at work. And use the play pen for times I'm at home and can't give him my full attention, or for short-term trips out. I don't know that I 100% trust him in the pen... He might find an escape route. He hates his pen, but knows while he's in his crate he should sleep. I feel like I may have taken a step backwards, as I've let him sleep in his pen the last three nights. Ughhhh.

Tgirl · Jul 29, 2014

Puppies are tough. I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Everything will work out. It will get better. You are doing a fantastic job!

winginit66 · Jul 30, 2014

Hi - Our last additions were siblings, so they had each other to cuddle with, play with, etc. Plus big-sis Gidget was (IS) always up for playing. As far as sleeping arrangements, babies need to know that when they are put in their crib just because they cry doesn't mean they get taken out and held... Consistency and routine are the best things (we have found). LOTS of hard chewy nylabones. It may be one for each day of the week. He may be interested in it one minute and another one the next. Just a firm No if he's getting into something he shouldn't be. On a funny note, we had them in a playpen (an actual kid pack'n'play) when we would run out to the grocery store or whatever... until we came back one day and one of them had chewed a hole through the mesh side!!! It was so funny because when we got home and found out what had happened, there went Olivia running and jumping back INTO the playpen through the hole.

My husband and I did not have a lot of sleep for months when we first brought Olivia and Wilson home. From just puppy-ness, and Wilson's health issues. Hang in there!!!