I'm new annnnd... my frenchie puppy hates me!

[Charlie11]

Hello everyone, I am new to this site and also new to frenchies. I have had other dogs in the past but never a frenchie.

My puppy, Tonka, is 17 weeks old and he has been with us for 1 week. I have a wife and 2 children still at home (son 8 daughter 15).

I bought Tonka to be my little buddy. I am self employed and wanted him to go to the office with me everyday and cuddle and play with me when we got home. I feed him, I take him outside to go potty, I give him treats, he's with me 24/7.

Since the first day we brought him home, he simply wants almost nothing to do with me. He loves everyone else. He gets so excited when ANYONE but me is around. He jumps up on their legs, begs for attention, will play fetch, tug of war, lick faces, do a happy dance, etc.

I literally beg this dog for attention. I get in the floor, talk in a high pitch voice, a low pitch voice, I offer toys, treats, and scratches, basically make a fool out of myself, all to no avail. He won't even PLAY with me! He treats me with almost total indifference.

I originally thought it was because I was a man, like maybe my voice or size scared him, nope. He loves my brother who is much much larger than me. Then I thought maybe it was my beard, maybe it scared him somehow, nope. I shaved it and he still doesn't like me.

I know this sounds silly and insecure but I can't help it. I wanted to be his favorite person. I wanted him to follow me from room to room just to be by my side. I have to drag him away from my secretary, if the wife or the kids or a total stranger are around, he's 100% done with me. When he and I are alone, he will occasionally sit for me to pet him for a couple minutes then walks away.

I literally don't know what to do. I love him regardless of course and always will but I stupidly allow this to hurt my feelings lol. I know it's only been a week, but why is he so friendly and playful with everyone but me.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could make my dog fall in love with me lol?

 

[mattcantwin]

Have you tried snuggling in bed with him?

 

[GraciesMom]

I'm so sorry, I can sympathize with how that must feel. Of course you want him to love you. When we brought our 9 week old Frenchie home, she literally ran away from both my husband and I. I remember how hurt I felt then. All that changed with time. She loves to play with us now and is a great cuddler. However, even now she erupts into a paroxysm of joy whenever somebody else walks in the door. She's certainly happy to see us, but we're familiar, so we don't get the same level of excitement that someone new or less familiar gets. It could simply be that she's used to being around you a lot and enjoys the company of other people she's with less often. It's only been a week so I'm betting it will resolve. If it doesn't, you may want to consult a trainer who could help give you strategies for improving the bond between you. By the way, Tonka is adorable and I love his name.

 

[Alice Kable]

Frenchies can be little weirdos sometimes. What I'd do is give it some more time and not try so hard.

 

[Charlie11]

Have you tried snuggling in bed with him?

Yes. Every night.

 

[Charlie11]

Thank you so much. Yes I may consult a trainer if things don't improve in a few weeks.

- - - Updated - - -

Your probably right

 

[Honeys Owners]

Try taking him to puppy obedience classes as a bonding experience.

 

[FroxerMom]

Well, thaaaaaat's a huge bummer. I can *kind of* relate to what you are going through. I recently lost my 16 year old cat and my 12 year old Pug within 4 months of each other and was devastated. I adopted a new cat almost a year ago and she is really not into me. She is very independent and doesn't like to be held or cuddled, but....she lets my husband do it. I was a bit miffed at first because I'm the one to scoop her litter, I feed her, I brush her and do all her care and I still get the shaft!

For whatever reason I am less appealing to her than my husband. There might not be any rhyme or reason to why Tonka seems to feel indifference towards you. I read that you have only had Tonka for one week. I'd imagine that he's still getting a feel for things and for his place in the family. Maybe find a treat that is high value that he really loves and then start training him a few minutes at a time to bond. Make sure it is in a quiet room with just you and him, no tv, no distractions. If he learns that you're the guy with the tasty food, and the "good boys!" he may start hanging around more ;-) I think it is promising that he WILL sit with you for a few minutes before walking away to do something else.

Just try to relax a little, not take it personally (I know it is hard) and be a consistent, positive person in his life and I'd bet he will come around. Have you discovered yet any game he particularly likes to play? Or a favorite toy? Perhaps you could have that be "your thing with him." Give it some more time. It took my Frenchie almost two months to really settle in after we got her.

Hope to see a good news update soon.

 

[Charlie11]

Yes, I think I will try that. I hope it helps.

 

[Charlie11]

Well, thaaaaaat's a huge bummer. I can *kind of* relate to what you are going through. I recently lost my 16 year old cat and my 12 year old Pug within 4 months of each other and was devastated. I adopted a new cat almost a year ago and she is really not into me. She is very independent and doesn't like to be held or cuddled, but....she lets my husband do it. I was a bit miffed at first because I'm the one to scoop her litter, I feed her, I brush her and do all her care and I still get the shaft!

For whatever reason I am less appealing to her than my husband. There might not be any rhyme or reason to why Tonka seems to feel indifference towards you. I read that you have only had Tonka for one week. I'd imagine that he's still getting a feel for things and for his place in the family. Maybe find a treat that is high value that he really loves and then start training him a few minutes at a time to bond. Make sure it is in a quiet room with just you and him, no tv, no distractions. If he learns that you're the guy with the tasty food, and the "good boys!" he may start hanging around more ;-) I think it is promising that he WILL sit with you for a few minutes before walking away to do something else.

Just try to relax a little, not take it personally (I know it is hard) and be a consistent, positive person in his life and I'd bet he will come around. Have you discovered yet any game he particularly likes to play? Or a favorite toy? Perhaps you could have that be "your thing with him." Give it some more time. It took my Frenchie almost two months to really settle in after we got her.

Hope to see a good news update soon.

I have tried toys & treats, but he doesn't want to play with me no matter what toy I have. He'll take the treats but no more. You guys are all very kind. Thank you! I am gonna keep trying & i'm gonna try to relax a little bit & try to not take it so personally. It's easier said than done though lol.

 

[mattcantwin]

Plan B:

Set up times when everyone leaves Tonka alone for "a while"...

then you return, by yourself, and spend some time with him before anyone else gets back.


Maybe a few of these will get him to appreciate you more.

 

[2bullymama]

The gang gave great advice!! I really like the puppy class and trainer idea... they will give great bonding options


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Charlie11]

Plan B:

Set up times when everyone leaves Tonka alone for "a while"...

then you return, by yourself, and spend some time with him before anyone else gets back.


Maybe a few of these will get him to appreciate you more.

Thank you. Great idea. I'm gonna keep on trying and maybe over time he will learn to love me.

 

[daniellepaul]

I can totally relate to this and I really sympathize with you! Our situations are similar - Since bringing Leo home around 3 months old, Leo has been coming to work with me almost every day, I am the one to feed him, I walk him more, I train him, I let him outside more often than not, and yet whenever my partner Mark comes home Leo goes crazy for him and just wants to play with Mark. I become chopped liver - lol. He will bring toys to my partner Mark to play with him (which he rarely does to me...I have to initiate play time 99% of the time, he will never just bring me a toy), he will basically sit on Marks feet while Mark cooks in the kitchen (he won't do that to me, he always sits at least 3 to 4 feet away from me)...just little things like that...when it's just me and him, he will follow me around but still not in the same way as he does Mark (eg. sitting on his feet). But I have to say, Leo listen's to me when I ask him to do something - he doesn't always listen to Mark. I think Mark is his 'playmate' or 'fun buddy'. I think you just need to give it a little time but I truly think it is because he respects you as the leader and is giving you space. He loves you - what I do is try to do fun things with Leo during our alone time...like let loose and play on the floor with him, show him I can be fun too - haha.. I get how you're feeling but you are building Tonka's confidence and I think he is just showing you that he respects you more than anything as a leader. Some days it does bother me when all 3 of us are in the kitchen and Leo is sitting on Marks feet but I get to spend most of my days at work with Leo, cuddle him when I want to, etc. Try not to let it bother you and just cherish the time you get to spend with him through out the day he does love you!

 

[Charlie11]

I can totally relate to this and I really sympathize with you! Our situations are similar - Since bringing Leo home around 3 months old, Leo has been coming to work with me almost every day, I am the one to feed him, I walk him more, I train him, I let him outside more often than not, and yet whenever my partner Mark comes home Leo goes crazy for him and just wants to play with Mark. I become chopped liver - lol. He will bring toys to my partner Mark to play with him (which he rarely does to me...I have to initiate play time 99% of the time, he will never just bring me a toy), he will basically sit on Marks feet while Mark cooks in the kitchen (he won't do that to me, he always sits at least 3 to 4 feet away from me)...just little things like that...when it's just me and him, he will follow me around but still not in the same way as he does Mark (eg. sitting on his feet). But I have to say, Leo listen's to me when I ask him to do something - he doesn't always listen to Mark. I think Mark is his 'playmate' or 'fun buddy'. I think you just need to give it a little time but I truly think it is because he respects you as the leader and is giving you space. He loves you - what I do is try to do fun things with Leo during our alone time...like let loose and play on the floor with him, show him I can be fun too - haha.. I get how you're feeling but you are building Tonka's confidence and I think he is just showing you that he respects you more than anything as a leader. Some days it does bother me when all 3 of us are in the kitchen and Leo is sitting on Marks feet but I get to spend most of my days at work with Leo, cuddle him when I want to, etc. Try not to let it bother you and just cherish the time you get to spend with him through out the day he does love you!

It definitely makes me feel better that I'm not the only one to feel this way. I feel like he has been a little friendlier this weekend than normal so maybe we are making a little progress! And maybe you're right and he is just trying to show respect. Thank you for the kind and encouraging words!

 

[Squishy Walnuts]

That must be so hard! I don't have any advice because my two dogs follow me around like shadows but you have a lot of great advice here. Socializing with a class might help. He sure is a cutie!

 

[megts]

Roles are reversed at home. Our girl Kara (6 months), would follow me like a shadow and sit on my lap like a cat BUT she does not have the same feelings towards my boyfriend. He spoils her rotten, always plays with her, gives her extra treats, takes her to bed with him, etc. I, on the other hand, don't spoil her, she doesn't get extra bed time snuggles with me and I am generally very firm with her. My boyfriend always says she is a traitor and I can see where he is coming from. When we first brought Kara home she was glued to him and did not particularly like me. After about a week of having her, it all changed and I became the favourite. No amount of spoiling he could do has changed that. Perhaps try being firmer with Tonka, I honestly believe that she sees me as the pack leader and my boyfriend as a play buddy. The pack leader gets the love.

 

[Mavis]

I can totally relate to this and I really sympathize with you! Our situations are similar - Since bringing Leo home around 3 months old, Leo has been coming to work with me almost every day, I am the one to feed him, I walk him more, I train him, I let him outside more often than not, and yet whenever my partner Mark comes home Leo goes crazy for him and just wants to play with Mark. I become chopped liver - lol. He will bring toys to my partner Mark to play with him (which he rarely does to me...I have to initiate play time 99% of the time, he will never just bring me a toy), he will basically sit on Marks feet while Mark cooks in the kitchen (he won't do that to me, he always sits at least 3 to 4 feet away from me)...just little things like that...when it's just me and him, he will follow me around but still not in the same way as he does Mark (eg. sitting on his feet). But I have to say, Leo listen's to me when I ask him to do something - he doesn't always listen to Mark. I think Mark is his 'playmate' or 'fun buddy'. I think you just need to give it a little time but I truly think it is because he respects you as the leader and is giving you space. He loves you - what I do is try to do fun things with Leo during our alone time...like let loose and play on the floor with him, show him I can be fun too - haha.. I get how you're feeling but you are building Tonka's confidence and I think he is just showing you that he respects you more than anything as a leader. Some days it does bother me when all 3 of us are in the kitchen and Leo is sitting on Marks feet but I get to spend most of my days at work with Leo, cuddle him when I want to, etc. Try not to let it bother you and just cherish the time you get to spend with him through out the day he does love you!

I think Danielle hit it on the head. I think you have established yourself as alpha and everybody else is his playmate. Don't think you're crazy; I know for sure I would feel the same way. The good thing is you've only had him for a very short time so he's just starting to learn his new family. Many frenchies love everybody. When we have friends over, Bambi will spend the entire time on someone else's lap or go from person to person. She won't even come when I call her, and she is bonded to me and my husband. I agree with the high reward treats. Went to training with our other dog and that make a huge difference, especially if your dog is food motivated. Get something really great that has a strong smell like little pieces of roaster chicken, and train him with that. I know it sounds stupid, but on your way home from work can you say, "want to get some ice cream!" and get a frosty or something (small amount). Something that will get him really excited that only you do with him.

Good luck; I'm sure it will get better.

 

[frankiethefrenchie]

So when I got my first Frenchie it was for similar reasons to you, I am self employed but wanted the company as I work from home. I had exactly the same concerns, she was sooo indifferent to me. Whenever my partner came home she would go crazy but I could never get her wagging that little stump!! I expressed my hurt to my partner and he raised the point that it's probably because I'm her 'norm'- she's always with me and doesn't know it any differently. She's totally different now 4 years later and stares at me all day, all she wants to do is sleep on my lap. Have you tried leaving Tonka for a few hours a day to give him the chance to actually miss you?

 

[FroxerMom]

So when I got my first Frenchie it was for similar reasons to you, I am self employed but wanted the company as I work from home. I had exactly the same concerns, she was sooo indifferent to me. Whenever my partner came home she would go crazy but I could never get her wagging that little stump!! I expressed my hurt to my partner and he raised the point that it's probably because I'm her 'norm'- she's always with me and doesn't know it any differently. She's totally different now 4 years later and stares at me all day, all she wants to do is sleep on my lap. Have you tried leaving Tonka for a few hours a day to give him the chance to actually miss you?

I had to laugh at the "stares at me all day" comment. I can totally see this as mine does as well. She is obsessed with being where ever I am and will wake up from a nap to follow me if I leave the room. I catch her staring at me too, sometimes. Hopefully things have gotten better for the original poster by now!